Instant Boyfriend

Dear Dating Doctor,

I’ve just started seeing a guy and he’s quite sweet and nice but I’m scared we’re rushing things as we went from dating to that comfortable relationship stage within a matter of weeks. He’s become my ‘instant boyfriend’ just add kisses. I wasn’t sure what I wanted when I went into it, but I very quickly realised that I did not want an instant relationship. But I do want a serious relationship. This guy had really ramped things up and within a few weeks I found that I was totally comfortable around him, a little too comfortable. Somehow we missed out on that exciting, lustful stage; and who doesn’t love a bit of lust and tension!? How can I slow things down but still progress this relationship?

Regards,

Almost-taken

Dear Almost-taken,

The beginning of a relationship, whether the intention is to build something long-term or keep some casual fire burning is an exciting time where there should be fireworks and glitter. I can see how you feel like you’ve missed an important step in building the foundations of something great. It sounds to me like you’ve skipped the honeymoon period and jumped straight to ‘come over babe, just flopped out on the lounge’ stage. Let’s be honest, that ain’t sexy!

So you’re still keen on this guy but you need to let him know to slow things down. You need to add some mystery and chase to the equation. As the BOSS of your lovelife you get to decide how these things play out, and girl, you got this. Let’s look at how many nights you have sleepovers – has this boy practically moved into your house?! What, he doesn’t have his own rental? Kick him out or say no to multiple-night sleepovers! Find you and your boo eating in or getting take-away too often? Nup…! Go out to a beautiful dinner looking so smoking that he’ll have to call the burns unit. You’ve got to keep your own in any relationship and don’t give away all of yourself to somebody just because they expect it.

Ok but in all seriousness, it’s easy to fall into something comfortable, especially if it fills the desires of both parties. What worries me here is that you might find yourself bored or as if you’re wasting your time with this person. When you hang out with him you should feel as though that’s a great use of your time and enjoy the moment, rather than questioning the dynamic and if you’ve rushed things along too quickly.

But….. if all else fails and you find yourself getting bored when this honeymoon period should be all sparkles and ice-cream, then it might be time to reassess your compatibility with him and what you want from him. If you are looking for a long-term partner, then consider this guy’s qualities and how they align with your own. Can you have fun with this person? Share stories and highlights or your life? Can you also depend on this person for emotional support? If you still feel like there’s no spark AND minimal compatibility then maybe it’s time to accept that he’s not a great match. If your expectations of a relationship are FIREWORKS then go for that bang!

Regards,

Dating Doctor