NEO-CONSERVATIVE TINDER LOVER

Your beautiful face did glide across my iPhone screen, as to the right did my index finger furtively lean.

Our faces side by side conjoined to show we had matched. And towards your incandescent smile did my gaze firmly latch.

For several days many embarrassing date stories did we cheekily relate And our favourite Will Ferrell Manchild comedies did we heatedly debate.

Your wide brown eyes would daily dance across my app, And joint holidays, wedding plans and tax minimisation strategies did I romantically map.

But onto my screen your heinous secret appeared The vile horror of which had I always feared.

Your profile had hinted at traditional country girl with old world charms; But your jokes about repealing Wade vs Roe should have triggered my alarm.

I had thought your Family First profile pic merely ironic And your “Make Palmerston Great Again” bumper sticker, a jab at the politically moronic.

Seeing your Andrew Bolt poster hanging proudly above your four poster bed made me begin to question this star crossed union.

As I tumbled headfirst into this lap pool of confusion.

You said our love could survive with our politics diametrically opposed. And the Pete Dutton bobble head on your dashboard, did you kindly offer to dispose.

Neo-conservative lover, with your small government low tax agenda you relentlessly proffer, Neo conservative lover, my heart and no more nooky am I prepared to offer…

Screw the Right… or don’t.

Will Crawford is a part-time poet and comedian who combines cheeky storytelling, caustic one-liners and surrealist journeys into his private life to shine a light onto life’s embarrassing underbelly. He got his comic breakthrough at aged eight in a home-video impersonating Craig McDermott. A veteran character comic, Crawford loves writing comedy on the bus on the way to work and welcomes loud, obnoxious conversations that involve over-sharing from which he can eavesdrop and mine new material.