THE REPRODUCING EXPECTATION
As a little girl, I was given baby dolls and encouraged to name them and be their 'mother'. These dolls had their own little prams, bottles and clothes. Now that I am a grown woman in a long-term relationship I feel the social expectation to have children.
This year for the first time I came to the realization that I may be perfectly happy never having a child. My whole life so far, I’d assumed that I’d want them one day, and that I would know when the time was right. However, each year that I get older I feel less and less desire to have my own child. Don't get me wrong, I still feel the urge to nurture and love babies. Kids bring me joy. I get so much satisfaction from loving the children that already exist in my life - such as nieces and nephews - that I don’t feel the need to have my own.
When speaking to other people who hold a different opinion about having children, many have said that in a way, I’m being selfish by choosing to live a more indulgent lifestyle instead of going into motherhood. I understand this view, but in my eyes people who choose a childless path are in fact making a massive contribution to this world. It’s well known that the planet is overpopulated. No matter how sustainable you teach your offspring to be, encourage them to ride a bike, not use plastic bags and be vegan, the truth is they will always consume precious resources.
It is obvious to me that the opinion I hold is unpopular. I repeatedly hear comments like: "when will you have kids?"; "I think you would make a great mother"; "when are you and your partner starting a family?" and the weirdest one: "I think you'd look good pregnant". I know people mean well but I find it frustrating that most people make assumptions instead of asking; "Will you have kids?" or "Do you want kids?”
I have spent the last twenty-three years of my life assuming that having kids is what I wanted. I even have a list of baby names saved in my phone. This is because the idea of not having children was never really presented as an option to me. I knew I had the choice but it still didn’t really feel like it was a decision I could make. Your parents and your partner’s parents expect to be grandparents at some point. Children are seen as your legacy on this earth; they carry on your name and traditions. If the line ends with you it feels like you’re letting everyone down.
It shouldn’t seem unnatural that a woman chooses herself over entering motherhood. I don’t want to endure the pain and damage to this body that I’ve so slowly learned to love. I don’t want to become dependent on anyone else, no longer having my own money to spend freely. I don’t want to be loved second by my partner. I want to continue to be committed to a job I’ve spent years studying, volunteering and doing an internship for. I don’t want to sacrifice the best things in my life.
At the end of the day I think becoming a parent would be very fulfilling and would be a wonderful thing. However, there is an alternative lifestyle. For me, not having children is becoming more and more appealing. I won't say I’ll never have children because I don’t believe in closing doors in my life. However, it is my life and I want to live it and enjoy it my way without judgement and pressure from people who have a different view.
T M Jackson is a post graduate who loves all things arts and crafts and being fabulous.
