FAILBOOK

Ever read an article describing how ostracised you became once you stop drinking; how our culture – the Aussie way of life – is consumed by the fragmentary need to consume all alcohol in sight? What! You haven’t? Check your Facebook feed.

I’m rolling with this story, but in a very different light. Mines about yours truly; Facebook. Facebook has been around since 2007, well that’s when I remember it. Back then, it wasn’t as consuming (from memory) and generally, a mere blimp in an otherwise dismal social media network. Myspace on the other hand – Oh My God. How times have changed.

It’s been 5 months since I decided to switch off and deactivate my account, despite Facebooks attempts to tell me if I added more friends I’d feel more “connected.” Or if I added more pages I liked I’d get “more” from Facebook. I’m sorry, but exactly what do we get from Facebook? I guess that’s the question I asked myself when I started deactivating my life from the 21st century digital world; or part thereof.

Part One – The Empire Strikes Back

At the moment I deactivated, I started to struggle. Not in the sense you might think. As soon as I hit that ‘deactivate’ option, my phone inundated me with notifications. “Please login to Spotify”; “Please log into Tinder”; “Your login to Snapchat has been disconnected.”

Holy shit. The two words that ran into my mind. You don’t realise it, but as part of our need to simplify our lives, and because Facebook has become so ingrained into our everyday lives, we link it into everything when creating new accounts or profiles – well I did.

Seriously, Tinder!? Ok, as a gay dude this shit is important to me. Facebook just denied me one of two avenues I use to hook-up. At this moment… WTF, FFS and other profanities began, along with a long list of Google searches: “Can you have a Tinder account without Facebook?”, “My Tinder stopped working, why?” If you’re still wondering – no, you can’t have Tinder without Facebook. There goes my dating life.

Part Two – The Last Jedi

“Oi, Man! Have a go at that video on Facebook” “Dylan, did you see that viral Movie trailer?” Friend: "Hey, can we go see that Split movie?” Dylan: “WTF is Split?” Friend: “Haven’t you seen it all over Face… oh shit yeah...” *queue rolling of eyes*

And so brings me to part two. The transition from being in the collective digital bubble, to having that bubble burst and the continued questions, opinions, and requests for at least 3 months. I say the first month was the hardest. The barrage of Why can’t I see you on Facebook, or Why did you delete me, to the Can you go back on Facebook so I don’t have to send you screenshots? It’s hard to disconnect, because everyone is connected and as such you must be too.

It’s hard. Don’t get me wrong. When something big happens you have to rely on the more traditional (yet digital) methods to keep aware of what’s happening in the world. When your friends start talking about the latest viral video, or you’re sitting at dinner and EVERY F**K is on their phone – yeah it’s hard. But I have something to tell you…

Part Three – The Last Hope

You still have Messenger. Messenger tells you birthdays and lets you set events and reminders. This is your lifeline to the Facebook world. Use it wisely young Padawan.

Overall, it is hard. You feel disconnected. But, I push you to try it for 7 whole days. You’ll be surprised with how much you accomplish when you’re not distracted by the ‘fake news,’ ‘click bait.’ or ‘that latest viral video or trend’. I ask you this as a final thought piece.

Go back two days. Do you remember all the bullshit articles you clicked on and read? What were they about? Was it useful? Will it change your life? No?!

Give this a try - it’s just 7 days. What’s the worst that could happen?

Dylan is an openly gay dude who is using this article as an opportunity to pick up because Tinder needs Facebook and he doesn’t have it.