CONFESSIONS OF A TWENTY SOMETHING YEAR OLD MAKEUP ADDICT
I ask myself: why do I spend 20 to 40 minutes every morning doing myself up? Yes, it does make me feel better about the way that I look, when my blemishes are covered, and my lashes are curled and looking voluptuous. However, when I have a full face on it’s clear to everyone that sees me, including myself, that this is not what I really look like. And so I have become paranoid that I am a ‘fake’ beauty. Every time a guy gives me a smile or a small flirtatious gesture, in some ways it feels as though that affection doesn’t belong to me. Rather, to this other girl with the unnaturally blush cheeks and perfectly arched brows. This obsession with beauty will often creep into my thoughts throughout the day when interacting with other females. Although I believe all women have unique features which make them beautiful, I will always fill with envy when I see a girl that, in my eyes, is flawless and natural. That girl has no mask, no “maybe she’d be different without all that stuff on her face”.
The Journal of Applied Science published a study that explored whether four Caucasian women would be evaluated differently on four social measures, depending on whether they were presented with or without makeup. Participants — 152 men and 171 women — were split into two groups, and were presented with the women's facial photographs either with, or without, cosmetics. Women presented wearing makeup were perceived as healthier and more confident than when presented without. Participants also awarded women wearing makeup with a greater earning potential and with more prestigious jobs than the same women without cosmetics. The results suggest that women can successfully use cosmetic products to manipulate how they are assessed, which may be advantageous in social situations where women may be judged on their appearance, such as job interviews. So scientifically there is evidence to suggest that women can gain social advantage by wearing makeup. However, I wanted to understand if people really do treat you differently based on your appearance. I decided to go bare for a few months, something I hadn’t done since I was 14 years old. The first day was difficult. I took a big leap and went to the busiest shopping centre in my city. I felt so self-conscious that I wore a hat to hide half my face. I don’t know what I expected exactly. Maybe for people to avert their eyes in disgust, or perhaps run away. But everyone carried on like things were normal. I was given a boost of confidence when a shop assistant maintained eye contact after I expected her eyes to jolt around my face, looking at all the red patches.
I got better at being bare, and became used to seeing myself in my natural form. My partner encouraged me and told me how proud he was that I could feel beautiful in my own skin. I felt so empowered until a lecturer told me that I looked “stressed” whilst pointing at my acne, and that I should “rest, and better present myself”. Ouch! In the following weeks, I was at the gym and on this particular day a worker had brought her young daughter with her. As I was returning a locker key to the desk the little girl asked what was on my face. Again, I had no makeup on. And although this little girl was just being inquisitive, her innocent cut-throat nature showed me what everyone was thinking. And yet I have been attacked for wanting to wear makeup. I remember this interaction so clearly because at the time it infuriated me. On my partner’s birthday, we had spent the day having drinks in the pool with friends. It got late and we decided we wanted to hit the town. I began to leave the pool and told the guys I was going to get ready. A friend asked, “Why? We’re not going for ages”. I told him I just needed to put my face on. He gave me a dirty look and said, “I don’t know why you’d bother… You have a boyfriend, what’s the point of getting doll’d up?” Basically, he implied that the only reason women bothered to look nice is to attract men. I can confidently say that this was not the reason I wanted to look nice that evening.
These few moments would have had a huge impact on my happiness and confidence if they had happened to a younger me. But, I’ve reached the point in my life where I don’t want to let anyone take away anything that makes me feel strong. I protect and cherish small moments of embracing who I am. At some point, you just need to say “fuck it” and do what makes you happy.
With my new-found confidence, I want to go back and start wearing makeup again to see how it makes me feel. And to be honest, for the most part, there isn’t a huge difference in my self-confidence between the days I have it on and the days I don’t. However, I’ve now pinpointed that it’s the application process that I’ve been in love with all these years. I simply love transforming myself into something completely new. It’s creative and expressive, and in some ways, a ritual with spiritual transformative power. Therefore, my journey has taught me that no matter how I choose to present myself, there will always be critics. However, it is my choice to decide how I want to look, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to beauty. Makeup can empower, or oppress, based on your perspective.
T M Jackson is a post graduate who loves all things arts and crafts and being fabulous.
